Just the two of us today - tho a different two as Merv doing his day job. This is Damon's first time after a long absence. He's just finishing the accounts.
It's been a hectic afternoon, meetings, notes, phonecalls, endless to do lists and an eternity playing catch-up.
And this is why I do it all. This funky little expressive movement/physical drama group.
I had expected about 6 people at this workshop.
There are 2 (including me). Or will be when Damon gets in.
Drag heart out of shoes. Place back in chest. Survey the empty room.
I'm holding the space. I'm holding the space for England. Cue national anthem. Tears of gratitude and pride. Or are those tears of rejection and disappointment?
Damon comes in. He is dismayed at this lack of people. How could they not come? How could they not appreciate all of this great stuff we are doing?
I don't know either.
Anyway, we'd better get on.
As soon as I start to explain what I am working on, I am transported from the place of rejection and disappointment to a place of excited focus. Am I mad?
Inside us all there is a blind I. The I that does not see. This is (are) the I that hears, smells, tastes, and feels. These I's are often unnoticed.
In these workshops we attune ourselves to our other I's. And to the other, you. Mainly through touch. But the other senses also have their place. We hear people's clothing rustle, their bones suddenly click, sometimes a cough. Sometimes we might smell them, depending if the have bathed or wear deodorant. Taste ... no ... that's for another workshop.
So, with feet rooted firmly to the floor, and body in a neutral state of readiness, the Blind-I prepares to respond to gentle touch of the Other.
We negotiate our way through a series of touches, once the arm, then the shoulder, twice the back, front of the head. The Other touches, and the Blind-I, eyes closed, feet rooted, sways gently. Always returning back to neutral as soon as the touch is released.
We do this for 10 minutes each. Yes, 10 minutes. We use a timer.
As a guide, it's tempting to think you have to do lots of different interesting things, choices initially seem limited. But the first condition, the rooted position, isn't about being interesting, it's about becoming attuned. Same as when you are being the blind-I, you literally just kind of sway a bit, and move your arms up and down. Maybe tilt your head. But all the time you are attuning yourself to the touch of the Other, until you are so sensitive that it is barely necessary to make contact at all.
It's important to remember that this first bit isn't about being expressive.
It's about learning to feel, and to respond, so no cognitive thought is involved. Stimulus, Response. Rest. Stimulus Response Stimulus Response Rest.
As we discovered before, several factors interplay; expectation, intention, comprehension, interpretation, range of possible response, choice of responses. And a deep feeling of focus, it's meditative, very relaxing.
We thought about tai chi. Apparently people can touch people with chi, without actually touching them. I know this is true because I've experienced it first hand. However I understand that people have to train for years to be able to do this, so we aren't going to try here. Well we did try a bit but it backfired, because the trying got in the way of succeeding. As is the way with many of these spiritual pursuits. Like trying to recover from mental illness.
Anyway, back to the subject.
We decided, in order to test our sensitivity (attunement) that the Other would move their touch slowly to the Blind-I, before baking contact. We amused ourselves by wondering if it was possible to sense the approaching touch before contact, and once or twice, this did seem to happen.
Differences in touch included whether to touch with flat of hand, combined fingers or tip of one finger. The experience of being touched was very different in each case. The quality of the movement was different in response.
In the second, travelling condition, this was even more apparent. the range of dynamics is greater, and the availability of complex responses increases.
At the end of each cycle, I felt my body brain coming to life and my head brain quietening. It was deeply relaxing. Very peaceful.
We didn't get to the third condition, the dance.
Save that for next time.
I'm glad we did the workshop after all. It's always an experience. I know what we are doing is experimental and not everyone's cup of tea, but I do hope that soon we will have a thriving group again. In the meantime, I'm grateful to the few who do keep coming, even if this can't be every time.
It's always a learning experience, and deeply interesting.