Well, I'm actually blogging about today's rehearsal, but not quite up to date as have missed a couple out.  Still they are coming thick and fast, and I have decided to forgive myself for not writing up every one in detail.  No pics today unfortunately as I left my camera at home.

We have blocked the whole story now, and can start to work on detail.  We've started to think about costumes - a lot of sheeting and artistic licence is in order I think.  The second half of the story focusses on the friendship that develops between the badger kettle and the tinker.  In contrast to the 'holy priest' (sanctimonious some may say), the tinker takes life as it comes, is easy going and cheerful.  Doesn't count the pennies too much, and has less fear of the unknown.  Being an optimist and an opportunist, means that the tinker is able to allow the badger to speak and make himself known, and the advantages of being the special friend of this unusual creature become apparent.

The staged portrayal of the plot in this particular story is more dreamlike I think than the others.  We leave the literal behind quite a lot, and the transitions between the pictures are really quite surreal.  Whereas the first half of the story is slapstick, fast paced and funny, the second half is very different: intimacy, warmth, a celebration of true friendship. 

We are having problems with the music.  I'm really not sure what we are doing.  We finally decided to leave out the repetitive drum beat in this story, as it is makes some of the movements quite clumsy.  The movements are faster, due to their comedic nature, not as serious and deep, so the drum makes them very unnatural in places.  I listened to some silent movie music on You Tube today, and none of it quite seemed to fit.  I think Chris is going to have to work some magic when he comes back to us, in quite a short period of time.

As far as the therapeutic aspects of the drama experience goes, I don't think that the sessions are anything like resembling any kind of obviously therapeutic or healing processes at the moment.  Some questions are arising - what to do if people find themselves too far out of their comfort zone, and wondering if the pressure is too much.  Also, I am getting very bored of the sound of my own bossy voice, but there is so much to do and so little time, that I feel I need to keep the pace of the group up.  With so many rehearsals, some find it difficult to maintain the energy levels required.  At times, the saying 'dragging a steam roller up a pebbly slope' feels appropriate.  When the group become more involved, it is difficult for me to allow as much freedom to contribute to the development of the themes as I normally do, the need for a fast workable solution feeling paramount, so I have become very directorial.  I have taken on the role of director, facilitator no more.

It is great having such a mixed group, in terms of gender, age and ability.  However, I can see why people tend to separate into categories, as it is quite a juggling act to try to create an environment that gives what people wants and does not demand more than they can give.  We are pushing boundaries, our own and each others.  We dont' have the comfort that a group of more similar people would have.  There are difficulties and advantages in this.  In terms of group dynamic, our diversity definately gives us an edge, and the group certainly has cohesion.

My main concern is that the younger members of the group do not bite off more than they can chew, and that the older members are able to support them if they start to have difficulties, or become very tired.  On the other hand, too much coddling and nursing may not help, as people may doubt their own abilities if they are not allowed to challenge their percieved limitations.  Also, older members of the group may become frustrated as we allow the less experienced members room to manouvre, preventing more experienced members from fully expressing themselves.

I can see a need arising for two separate groups.  One to focus on the group drama experience, to practice games and rituals that may be healing, that people can learn from, and that is a social and creative experience in it's own right.  The other group to be more challenging - to work towards performances, to be faster paced and allow a greater variety of levels of expression.  Some people don't want to perform, some love the experience of doing drama without the pressure of a performance at the end.  Others feel a need to perform, and to develop expressivity with an audience, to have a task completed and shown.

For myself, and reflecting on my own experience of drama through my life, I realise this need after a 15 year gap of doing no drama, which at first was a relief, then became a hunger to return to this art form.  I need the challenge of doing a performance, it gives a structure to some unnamed drive within me, a drive to express and to create.  The performance is the end product.  It comes after weeks of hard work, getting to know people, getting to know people differently, negotiating, pushing, searching, experimenting, hoping, and dreading.  After the performance comes a flood of relief, and I allow myself to rest for a while, basking in the feeling of having gone through some sort of baptism of fire, and having survived.

Looking at that, I'm not sure where the fun part is.  But I know that I will look back on these days of challenge and opportunity with pride and joy, as I now do about other similar times in my life.  I know others in the group will too, though they don't always know it, if they haven't done drama before.  They don't know that the memories that they are creating now will give dreams, stories, confidence and ambition for other adventures, that haven't even been dreamed up yet.

But it isn't therapeutic.  Is it?