Life happens to us. It does. We think we can control it, and to some degree, we occasionally can. At best we can control our responses to the things that happen to us, that is our outer responses.
I remember when I used to try to control
my inner responses (e.g., emotional) as an aid to controlling my outer responses (e.g., behavioural). First lesson, it doesn't work, the behaviour comes out some how, normally in ways that are percieved as even more antisocial than if you just had the honest responses in the first place. Second lesson, if you try hard enough, you go into denial and become seriously mentally ill. Viscious cycle comes about and eventually, in my case, I completely lost touch with anything that might be called a genuine emotional response, stopped recognising my own emotions, and came out with some (on reflection) pretty damaging cognitive and behavioural responses to this confused and malfuctional inner experience. To the cognitive behavioural therapists, don't even bother trying to cure this person. They have already self trained themself beyond the point that you could ever intervene with any further training. They need to reacquaint themselves with their honest inner expeirence, which can be pretty deep stuff, but very rewarding if they manage it. My own recommendation for this, not surprisingly, is arts therapies. Especially my favourite, dramatherapy.Back to the original point. Life happens to you.
I may go to the shop, quite happy, trundling along minding my own business. Suddenly there is a screech of brakes and a scream. I turn just in time to see a car spinning off the road with the remains of a mangled up animal in the wheel. Even though it is happening in slow motion, I can't quite see what the animal is, it may be a fox, it reminds me of when my pet dog got run over. I stand, numb. watching. Gradually I feel warm, emotions come in, slowly at first, then flooding me. I am confused. I feel rage at the car driver for killing the fox, but I want to go and see if I can help, and let the car driver know it wasn't their fault. I feel sick at the sight of the blood and frightened at having wittnessed an unexpected and untimely death, or any kind of death for that matter. I worry that the fox had babies, and the babies are crying in their den, hungry, waiting for a mother that will never return. I notice through my foggy consciousness that other cars have stopped. People have got out of their cars and are going to help the driver. someone is on a mobile phone, no doubt calling an ambulance. Screwing my eyes up, I remember that I have to buy coffee. I walk into the shop. I stand for a while wondering which brand of coffee I want. Then I sit on the floor, in the middle of the aisle, and sob, rocking myself in slow jerking motions, aware that I look like a mad person. Caring and not caring, wanting the world to end.
Life happens to you.
Can joy burst into your life like tragedy?
I am walking to the shop. I am quite happy, trundling along minding my own business. Suddenly I hear someone shout my name. I turn. It is a very dear friend that I knew about 20 years ago, who left town and I didn't see or hear from since. (this was before the days of facebook and mobile phones) This was a friend who shared a few early months of my formative adult years. Who forgave me for being crazy, who hugged me when I was hung over. A gentle natured person who saw the goodness in people, and saw the sadness, not the madness, in me. We looked at each other, unmasked delight and love fill our eyes. After a few words we ascertain that neither of us has much to do this afternoon, so we decide to go on a coffee shop crawl in town, and fill the next few hours with questions, answers, stories, memories, and mainly, each other.
Life happens to you.
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In konnektiv, the group relax, I talk them through a series of actions designed to facilitate a neutral self, centred, aware, without tension, mindful. The group walks around the room, all the while being reminded to be aware of their centre of balance, to move in a co-ordinated and even way, to be in control, poised. This goes on for some time.
After some moments of silence, I play a piece of music. I don't tell the group in advance what I am going to play. I never play the same piece of music twice. The music may evoke many different kinds of emotion or cognitive expeirence. I have instructed the group not to change the level, mood, style of their walk, but rather to be very aware of any changes their body wants to make in response to the music. This awareness may be heightened by the fact that they are preventing their body from going throught the automatic changes it wants to go through. The may become aware of sensations in their stomach, their muscles, their neck and shoulders. The muscles of their face may want to pull into particular expressions.
After some time I ask the group members to think of a word, and keep walking.
the group make a circle around the drama space. One by one the group members say their word, and take a position in what eventually becomes the group sculpt. Starting with me, we each take anothers place in the sculpt, enabling each member to walk around the shape, silently viewing what we have created.
following this, in another circle, a smaller one, ever group member says their word in turn, starting of quietly, and getting a little louder each time.
The music - in far less dramatic ways than stories I told previously, happened to the walkers. It interfered with thier mood, their breathing, physiological response, though patterns, visualisation, in ways that they could not predict, because they did not know what I was going to put on.
The group are invited to give feedback on their experience.
The mood was relaxed throughout, yet there was an appreciation of quite strong emotional responses (words like 'fire', 'tower' and 'flower' were chosen).
The plan is that each week, for the next few weeks, we will repeat this ritual, each time with a different piece of music. Each time the group members will be invited to experience a different set of responses, and create a different set of associated words, a different group sculpt. My conjecture is that they will possibly, over the next few weeks, expand their self knowledge and thier awareness of their physiological repsonses to the things that life does to them.
Through a gentle and relaxing dramatic sequence, the group may become more able to respond to the things that life does to them, in a consious way, fully appreciating their inner response to these things.
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Improvisation
Another thing that we will repeat over the next few weeks is improvisation. In 'Cauldron', two people take characters and move in the dramatic space, interacting to form some sort of plot. This goes on without words, although non-verbal sounds can be made. At some point, one of the wittnesses shouts 'freeze'. They remove one of the characters from the action, and take over their role, using their own ideas and interpretation of what is going on, or even changing the plot if they like.
Many of the group hadn't improvised in this way before. This is very useful for forcing people to think through thier body, as they cannot resort to words, that make us dramatically lazy. The action must be dynamic, it must describe. The actor must be involved, and animated.
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